After looking at how important forgiveness can be to our wellbeing (in the previous blog,)it would help of course if someone could tell us “how”.
We are told so much about the need for forgiveness, but knowing how to do it is half the battle.
There is a lot more to this discussion than be can be put into a blog, so I have now started an Ageing With Vitality group on Facebook, in which you can ask questions. I would love to see you there, and will endeavour to answer them, but also you may find that others can answer too. That is what the group is all about. Sharing our ideas and quandries.
I must say at this point that I “do understand how hard it is to forgive” I have been there and there is still stuff coming up every day for me to forgive, both from the past and the present.
For the purpose of today’s topic then some of the practices that I have come accross are as follows;
Meditation. Spend some time simply dwelling on the person and episode in question. Think again about the smells, environment, who was present and the outcome. Home in on what there was about the episode that was hurtful. Then think about the outcome for you. Meditate on this and decide out of the whole thing what you would find easiest to forgive.
For example; If you are still upset and hurt over your divorce or your partner leaving you, you will be thinking in general about the “whole” episode. If you can break this episode down into smaller parts, such as a certain thing they said or did, then you can practice forgiveness for that one thing, rather than trying to forgive the whole episode.
If you have been abused or cheated on, break it down into small incidents and work on one at a time. Trying to tackle the whole thing at once, without proper “training” is like trying to climb a mountain without the proper equipment and knowledge.
A little like learning to drive, you learn one action at a time, then you build it up into being a competent driver.
Here is the link to what Wayne Dyer has to say about forgiveness.
He talks about moving on, understanding yourself, being like water and in the flow, (it stagnates when it is not in the flow), reconnecting with spirit and being kind rather than being right.
Also understand that you have a vital part in forgiving others.
By not forgiving, you are perpetuating an energy of resentment and bitterness towards yourself and everyone else around you.
I am sure that there are many other ways to practice the art of forgiveness and it would be good to discuss them in the group.
A favourite way for me is something called Ho’oponopono.
A simple technique, using four sentences.
- I’m sorry
- Please forgive me (as I forgive you)
- Thank you
- I love you
You can say it in any order.
What? I hear you say, why am I having to say sorry?
Remember what I said about you perpetuating unforgiveness by not forgiving.
I’m sorry, means that you are sorry that you are perpetuating unforgiveness, resentment and bitterness by not forgiving.
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SAY THIS OUT LOUD
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SAY IT TO THE PERSON.
All you have to do is to say it quietly with a picture in your mind of the thing or person that you are forgiving.
Please read more about ho’oponopono on this link.
In the next blog I will be looking at how to forgive yourself.
Meanwhile, don’t forget to come along and join the group.