As we go through our lives, we unconsciously make transitions through several changes in our lives.
But only unconsciously as we define it in our eyes.
Because in a lot of ways we make conscious decisions, or they are made for us.
When we are born, we are placed in the care of adults. We may be born to that adult, or they may adopt us in some way. In any case, we would not survive without being in the care of a responsible adult. Consequently, they are making decisions for us.
We are all greatly influenced by others decisions for us, but as we grow older, we start to realise that many of these decisions are not the ones which we would choose for ourselves. They have not been conscious, informed decisions.
So when we reach our teenage years, we can rebel. Often we rebel in a diverse way, far apart from anything that our carers think is the right thing.
We almost become strangers to ourselves. If we do not make a choice at this age, and just go along with the status quo, and what is expected of us, it will happen sooner or later.
I did not become aware that I had a choice until I turned forty years of age. When it did happen there were consequences that literally brought the roof down over my head! (Details will be in a book that I have decided to write!)
I did not “surrender” to getting married, having children and being a good little Christian and housewife. All the time that I was in this role, my spirit was rebelling. I was not submissive, although people around me were telling me I should be. What I did, was go along with the flow and “give in” to what I thought was expected of me. That was what good little women should do. I had been taught that if I went against the flow, there would be dire consequences. And so I lived in fear.
In my previous blog, I talked about the difference, with ageing, between “giving in” and “surrender.” I promised I would tell you the difference.
My story above is a typical example. I will add that there were dire consequences, but, at the end of the day, I am so glad that I did not spend the rest of my life in a “giving in” and boring way. The life that I have had since I stopped giving in, has been exciting and I feel liberated.
When we know the truth, it will make us free!
We are ageing throughout our lives. In many cases, we are giving in, especially while we are children and naïve. Maturity brings wisdom. As we go through life, we start to make conscious choices, or not. Some people never make consious choices, and live their entire lives doing what is expected of them or “giving in.”
If we don’t make conscious choices, then we will just go along with or give in to what our peers or elders expect. We may smoke, drink or not. We may eat healthily or not. We may decide to have a baby because our friends have them. We may decide to have sex because everyone else seems to be doing it.
This is not surrendering, it is giving in to what is expected of us.
So what about retirement and the third age?
We expect to have certain illnesses. We are expected just to go on outings. We are expected to join the senior citizens club.
We have less energy, become forgetful, may need a stick, not see so well. Become hard of hearing.
We start to lose friends to death, or to Dementia.
We feel as if we are falling into an abyss of old age, and it can be frightening and depressing. BUT ONLY IF YOU ALLOW IT, BY JUST GIVING IN to what is expected.
Consequently as a younger person, usually in our late fifties or early sixties, we start to become aware of these things happening, and we become afraid, deny it is happening and try everything we can to avoid it.
While we are in our sixties, we need to start planning ahead. Look at surrendering to ageing, with an intention.
If you are reading this as an older person, you can start to change things now. It is never too late.
We can fight the older years, become stressed out with the battle, and make ourselves ill, frail, depressed or lonely.
OR, we can give in and go along with the flow of what is expected.
OR, best of all, we can surrender to the ageing process, but at the same time find out what our intention will be in our older years.
With intention, life in our older years can be a pleasure.
My next blog will be about how we can have intention in our older age, and see those years as Eldership, not just being old.
For more on Ageing with Vitality, go to http://www.patriciacherrylifecoach.com