Forgiveness Archives - Patricia Cherry Lifecoach

6 May 20196 May 2019

Learning The Truth, Which Set Me Free.

I am still evolving into finding The Truth works for me.

It has set me free, but still continues to evolve. The book has evolved even more in the two and half years, that it took to write it, along with me. But now we have a publishing date at last. The description on the back of the book reads;

Finding the Truth over a lifetime freed Patricia Cherry from the narcissistic teachings of the Christian fundamentalist churches she belonged to as a child and young woman. This is the moving story of love, compassion and forgiveness on her part for everyone concerned. Painting a vivid picture of life as a child in the 1940’s and 1950’s and as a mother in the 1960’s and 1970’s, Patricia candidly shares her journey to freedom from indoctrinated beliefs.

I began to write this book two and a half years ago. I thought that it was done and dusted. But then life happened.

In July 2017 I was privileged to meet Vanessa Squire Kaliski, at a local meet-up of The Silver Tent, which is a worldwide group of women, over Fifty and it was still in its infancy at that time. As soon as I told Vanessa about my book, she became interested, and I sent her the first draft. She immediately sensed it’s power and how it would support other people in finding their way out of the trap of living with dogma. She was very excited about it. And so she offered to edit it, and go on to support me in the publishing.

Then at the end of August, my beloved Mum became very ill which led to her death in October 2017. At that time my brother and I became devoted to making sure that we made her end of life as comfortable as possible, which proved to be more difficult than it can seem. But this event changed how I felt about my purpose and Mum.

How was I going to do that?

I had begun that year with a Kundalini Yoga Retreat run by Jane Oppegard and Su Bear, in Glastonbury. (Shining Lights) and I felt drawn to this retreat because its purpose was to start the new year with Intention. And to bring that intention to the retreat. Mine was to be able to deal with Mum with love and compassion and not resentment and duty. It worked, and straight away on returning home that very afternoon, it was to find that Roger had already begun to look at the changes that were necessary to Mums welfare.

It proved to be a challenging year, and somehow the timing for publishing The Truth was not right.

So having given myself three months or so, to digest the events of losing Mum and evolving even more into the Wise Elder-woman that I am, I added an epilogue at the end of the original book.

The Universe has my Back.

At the beginning of 2018, my husband became ill, and for the rest of 2018, we were focusing on his health, and for me to adjust to being a caregiver. And so once again the book was shelved.

However, through life’s events, I have learnt that The Universe has my back. When I can surrender, (not always easy) things will fall into place. I had believed that the book would be published in November 2018, but there was yet another lesson for me to learn before I could take the step of showing the world that it is possible to free.

I began to realise that it’s normal to have down days as well as up. I learnt an alternative way of seeing depression. I now call it deep rest, for except for people who are medically and chronically depressed, it’s normal to need to rest and recuperate at times. Our bodies will dictate to us when we need to rest,, and if we ignore those signals and carry on, we can become ill. Most importantly, I realised that I was making it worse by beating myself up for being depressed when I was supposed to be free! Which was a leftover feeling from the days when the churches that I belonged to, taught us that it was a sin to be depressed, irritable or angry! I had internalised that and lived under that spell for most of my life. In the jargon of the upbringing I had, I was not a good witness for the Lord.

I learn about the need for forgivenss and love.

I realised that the book was not so much about my life, the hurts, the fear or the resentment, but more about how I learnt the need for love, forgiveness and recognising that deep down I had always known the truth. I am the Universe. I am free, and I am good enough. I am a spiritual being spending time on earth to experience being human. Most of all I don’t need fixing! Which is the message of the Christian churches that I belonged to as a child and young adult.

Somewhere along the line, I took out a sacred contract with the people who have been so much an influence in my life, for every experience. Some of those experiences were painful; some were joyful. But they were all part of my learning.

How did I see the truth at last?

Most of all I’ve realised that we all need to know from the heart what our truth is. And not from what we are taught.

Yes, books and teachers will come along to help us in our seeking. But it’s the “Yes” moments that show us the truth.

When you are reading or listening, and you suddenly feel your heart leaping within you, that is your truth. Hence the title of my book was born.

Once we know that, then it frees us from the chains of having to obey rules, particularly human-made rules, to be good enough.

No matter what your religion, culture or background, if you feel trapped I hope that this book will show you that there is a better way.

Details for the book as follows.

Publishing day is May 14th 2019. On that day, you can come to my Website to find out the link for Amazon kindle. It will be FREE for the first three days. If you feel so inclined, I would be very grateful if you could write a review, the more reviews I get, the more Amazon will promote the book.

After a while, (hopefully not too many days) it will be available on a print to order basis, and you can also buy a signed copy from me for £10. + £2.50 for Postage and packing. Keep an eye on my Website for the latest developments. To order a printed signed copy please contact me on my email address, to be found on my website.

http://www.patriciacherrylifecoach.com

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16 April 201916 April 2019

Liberated. Free.

One morning last week I woke up feeling incredibly liberated and the title of my new book came immediately to mind.

The Truth Has Set Me Free is about how I found freedom from the shadow of Christian Fundamentalist teachings.

Don’t get me wrong. This article is not an attack on any particular religion, or even on the variety of churches and denominations within the Christian Religion. It is more about the psychological effects that the dogma of some of these denominations can have on people, and my story in this book is about how it affected me and two previous generations.

In my book I have written about how I broke the chains of those beliefs and freed myself up so that my children would not, in turn, inherit the anxiety and depression that comes from believing that you can never be good enough. And that God is a God of love and not fear.

I found a book which described what I was taught.

I have been reading a very interesting and eye-opening book called The Darkening Age. By Catherine Nixey. It is about the destruction of Greek and other classical arts and philosophy in the first five centuries.

Last month I wrote a blog called “A Heretic?”

https://patriciacherrylifecoach.com/2019/02/03/a-heretic/

In it, I pondered over whether, it is more important for all of us to realise that “I am who God created me to be, and GOOD ENOUGH.”

But it took me the whole of the first forty years of my life before I began to realise that. I had been indoctrinated with being unworthy, and a sinner who would go to hell unless I was “Saved” and lived as a Christian.

I was led to believe that all other religions and beliefs were false, and I must not even read about them, because that would damage my faith.

I spent the last week, reading and listening to The Darkening Age with mixed emotions. Crying, laughing and angry at times.

Angry, because the book describes in detail the damage, slaughter and persecution that Christians imposed onto those who would not become Christians and be baptised. We hear a lot about how the Roman Empire was persecuting the Christians, but very little is said about the far greater slaughter on the Christians part.

I cried because I felt it was so sad that people were taught that way and did not have a choice, such as we do these days.

I laughed at times at what they used to say and believe and found it incredulous that some fundamentalist churches still teach that.

Quote “As preachers in the fourth century started to warn congregations, Gods all-seeing gaze followed you everywhere. He didn’t only see you in the church; you were also watched by Him as you went out through the church doors; as you went out into the streets and walked around the marketplace or sat in the Hippodrome or the theatre. His gaze followed you into your home and even into your bedroom – and you should be in no doubt that He watched what you did there too.” End of quote.

That quote brought back some pretty painful memories for me when growing up. It was exactly like that. I was not allowed to move without being reminded that God was watching me. Or warned that if I was going anywhere, that I was to consider whether I could take Jesus with me. Imagine how it felt, having this hanging over my every move.

In the preface of my book, I tell how it is similar to the Christmas song, about Santa.

“You better watch out, you better not cry, you better be good I’m telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.” Except that for me it was a case of “God will judge you and if you’re not “Saved” you will go to Hell.

Another quote from The Darkening Age; “To allow another person to remain outside the Christian Faith was not to show praiseworthy tolerance. It was to damn them.” End of quote.

That quote reminds me of the time when as a teenager, I found myself having to stand outside the NAAFI building in Plymouth telling them how wonderful it was that I was a Christian — and do this humiliating task in the belief that I needed to share the good news. I must add that being a Christian did not mean culture for us Pentecostals, but a born again Christian, living every moment of our lives, being a witness to bring others to the Lord as well as having to be aware that this angry God was watching our every move.

I felt angry that so many people still have those beliefs and try to impose them onto others.

Have things changed I wonder?

The only difference (and it is a vast difference) is that these days we would not be killed for refusing to become a Christian, but we would be living under the threat of a judgment day when we would be judged and sent to Hell and damnation if we don’t “Get Saved.” Either when we died, or when Jesus comes back again.

I want to believe that things have changed since I was part of this setup sixty years and forty years ago.

I would like it if I discovered that God’s love is more in the light these days, and not an angry God who is out to destroy the people He created, no matter what they believe.

So much of The Darkening Age reminds me of the attitude from born again Christians. And I can see that these teachings have come down through the ages, even to today’s Fundamentalist groups.

I think that the Jesus we read about in the Bible, would be shocked at how humans have taken His teachings far from what He Said. They certainly lost the most important one, which is love, accompanied by forgiveness.

There is so much more I could tell you about this book, and the writer Catherine certainly seemed to have done her homework!

A group on Facebook for discussion.

I am looking forward to a group of us on Facebook which I intend to start, discussing this without fear of anyone preaching at us. Therefore it will be an application-only group. For anyone who would like to ask questions, or has been involved, or affected by what I am saying here. Also, I would like therapists and healers to belong too with their contribution.

See you again soon. And please comment if you would be interested in joining “The Truth Has Set Me Free” group.

The book is getting nearer to being published, hopefully in May. There is no link yet, but there soon will be. Watch this space.

A Heretic?

I have not written a blog now for some time, but today I feel from the soul that I need to write this.

Am I a heretic?

I have written a book called The Truth Has Set Me Free, and there has been a delay in publishing, for many reasons, the most recent one being that God knew that there was a Post-script to be added.

And now, I have just finished reading a book called Beneath a Heretic’s Wings.

In The Truth Has Set Me Free I share the experience of growing up in a Pentecostal Fundamentalist family and church. And how that upbringing in no way prepared me for what was to come in later life.

An outcast?

I always felt an outcast. I never felt like one of them while in the church, yet was afraid to say anything or leave. On the other hand, neither did I feel at home in the other world because I had been taught that I was separated from other people because I was “Saved”. That I had given my heart to the Lord and therefore I was better than everyone else.

The book “Beneath a Heretics Wings,” is written by two women who were right there in the path of the persecution handed out to a man called Carlton Pearson, who is featured in the Netflix film, Come Sunday.

He is a Pentecostal Bishop in the USA, and until the year 2001 went along with the teaching that there is a hell and only those who are “Saved” would not go there.

To quote Carlton’s words, “The whole world is saved, they just don’t know it.”

He believes from the heart that we are all saved. That God loves everybody, no matter what race, creed, religion, belief or otherwise. And that a loving God is not going to send anyone to Hell.

I first came across his book with the long title GOD is not a Christian, nor a Jew, Muslim, Hindu ….. and with the subtitle, God dwells with Us, in Us, Around Us, as Us.

He has also written a book explaining his convictions, called The Gospel of Inclusion.

I had already started writing my book The Truth, and Carlton’s words blew my mind and my heart.

Where is the love of God?

Now two years later I have just finished Beneath a Heretic’s Wings. And I am shocked at the testimony of these two women, who stood by him, Cassandra L. McLellan and Teresa L. Reed. The way that the Pentecostal Church treated Carlton and those who stayed with him was abysmal.

I am shocked that Christian people could not show the love that God has for themselves, and yet they could not share it with someone who had the guts to speak out. He was a Pastor of a church of Five thousand or so people, and after being cast out, was preaching to one hundred and fifty people. He lost everything, including friends and money. But he never lost his love of God, or anybody else.

And he was accused of being a Heretic and a False Prophet.

He has now slowly recovered, and is gracious, forgiving and loving to everyone, and is preaching the Gospel of Inclusion – everyone is included in God’s love, and not just those who are “saved”. You can see him on YouTube.

Time to be authentic

So, I have decided that it is time for me to speak out. I am aware that when my book The Truth Has Set Me Free comes out, there will be some who are dismayed that I seem to have given up my faith. I have already had a close friend and a cousin who have written to me about my lost eternity (another way of describing Hell). Their emails are preachy, and they believe that only what the Bible says is right.

They forget that the word ‘hell’ is rarely seen in the Bible. And that if I or anyone else wants to prove a point, they can always find something in it to support their point. That is the secret of the Bible and why it has always been a best seller. And may I say; why it has always been an inspiration to so many. I thank God that I live in an age, where we can check it out and not just listen to what we hear from the pulpit, both in the history of how it was written and the content. Something that we all need to do.

Time to be of courage

The book Beneath a Heretic’s Wings has made me realise that it takes some courage to be a Heretic, but if that is what I am in certain people’s eyes, then so be it.

Heretics in days gone by were killed, burnt at stake, tortured and so on. So I must admit that I don’t know if I would have been brave enough to be one in those circumstances. But in the 21^st Century there is a Spiritual shift, and I am glad that I am part of it.

There will be more blogs to come of this nature, and there will also be a Facebook group based on The Truth. I do not claim to know all the answers, but I know that The Truth for me has been a wonderful, soul experience. It has changed me, I am always at peace, even when I become distressed, or depressed, or seemed to have got something wrong (depending on who’s eyes are judging that last one).

One of my specialist subjects on my Website, blogs, and Facebook groups is “Ageing With Vitality” so I was particularly interested when I came across this quote from The Gospel of Inclusion.

“The first thing that goes when you begin to think is your theology. If you stick too long to a theological point of view, you become stagnant with no vitality.” OSWALD CHAMBERS

patricia cherry lifrecoach

That is so true, because just listening to the preacher and not studying and finding out for yourself, is a cop-out. I have been studying and researching for myself for the last twenty-five years or so, and have come to see the Truth for myself. And what is more, I will continue to be openminded, loving and accepting of people from all backgrounds, and all belief systems. And I will give them the respect that I hope they will give to me.

Therein lies the peace of God

I know for sure that I am free from all the trappings of the fear of hell, and not being good enough. And I am loved by God.

Do you sometimes wonder whether you are a heretic? Or perhaps you may still want to be a Christian, but don’t want all the trappings of an old doctrine that has misrepresented what a true Christian can be.

Have a look at this.

https://johnpavlovitz.com/2016/10/21/the-kind-of-christian-i-refuse-to-be/?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=facebook_page&utm_medium=John+Pavlovitz&fbclid

I think that I fall somewhere in between. But does it really matter? That is what the Gospel of Inclusion is all about.

I’d love to hear your comments. But please refrain from preaching at me. We are all in this together.

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17 October 2015

Ageing with Love.

No matter what our spiritual backgrounds, cultures, race, creed, age, religion or what we consider to be our inner source and strength is, the most important empowerment in our connection to one another is love.

If we all remembered the true meaning of love, this world would be a peaceful and joyful place to be. There would be no inequality, war or starvation. Crime, greed or cruelty would be a thing of the past.

Love is not a soppy sentiment, saved for emotional times in our lives, but is an active energy that is just there.

But we tend to think that if we are going to give it, it needs to be to a deserving person, or animal.

Listening to Wayne Dyer this morning I was reminded of how powerful it can be to turn the other cheek. When someone annoys us, or we feel angry with them, why don’t we do just that, turn the other cheek. We do not have to be a doormat to be walked all over, but just to pause and respond in a loving way, without anger or retaliation. Not easy, but it is possible.

No matter what your spiritual beliefs, Christian, Bhuddist, Hindu, Muslim, humanist or anything else, this quote from Corinthians 13 in the bible, is true for all of us.

Namaste.

1 Corinthians 13New International Version (NIV)

13 If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ²If I have the gift of prophecyand can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.⁹For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. ¹¹When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹²For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror;then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

¹³And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

http://www.patriciacherrylifecoach.com

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17 August 2015

Forgiving Yourself as you Age with Vitality.

We have looked at how forgiving others can be liberating for you and your wellbeing and vitality.

Have you considered that you also need to forgive yourself?

Many of us have made errors of judgement, mistakes, been unkind or even brought about our own and others downfall with something that we may have done. Also in these days of societal judgment, such as illness, obesity, lack, and keeping up with the Joneses, we can easily find fault with ourselves, and wonder what we must have done wrong.

Often we can be the victim to our own misplaced guilt. For example, many working women feel guilty about leaving their kids, or the stay at home Mums feel guilty for not making a contribution to the household costs.

Another example is when you lose a loved one, part of the grieving process is to blame yourself for something that you may have done to hurt them or not done enough.

This is where it pays to take a good look at yourself, using your chosen method of meditation, and make sure that there is a real need to forgive yourself when you have not done anything wrong.

However, you may know for sure that you definitely did something that hurt or caused someones downfall. Only you will know the answer to this one.

Don’t forget to bear in mind what I suggest about doing a little at a time. Often this can be the easiest ones first.

In that case the procedure for forgiving yourself is much the same as forgiving others, which I covered briefly in the previous blog.

We are made up of mind, body and spirit. Unforgiveness can manifest itself in all three. Our mind can be fixated on the thing that needs to be forgiven, whether this is for yourself or someone else, which in turn can affect our physical and mental health. This in turn can break our spirit.

A simple exercise would be to visualise each component, speaking to the other. A sort of you talking to you.

Another way of doing it would be to seperate yourself into parent, child and adult. This is called Transactional Analysis. Write as if you are each of those characters in turn. Then speak to them. Parent to child, child to parent, and then think of how the adult would deal with, treat and talk to other two.

In our everyday lives, we usually react as if we are either one of those three. The parent could be bossy and expect you to behave in a certain way that keeps them happy. (Use what ever your perception of a parent or guardian was when you were a child.)

The child would be the one in need of some love and understanding.

The adult, would be the person reading this and understanding where each of the other two are coming from.

Then go through the forgiveness exercises and much in the same way as the mind, body, spirit assigment above, get each character to talk to the other.

It will definitely help to be using your journal and writing it down. Perhaps write a little script as if you are writing a play.

I hope that this will help. Don’t forget that you can join us in the group on Facebook, and ask or discuss anything that has come up for you here.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/113172222365276/

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16 August 2015

How to Forgive & Ageing with Vitality.

After looking at how important forgiveness can be to our wellbeing (in the previous blog,)it would help of course if someone could tell us “how”.

We are told so much about the need for forgiveness, but knowing how to do it is half the battle.

There is a lot more to this discussion than be can be put into a blog, so I have now started an Ageing With Vitality group on Facebook, in which you can ask questions. I would love to see you there, and will endeavour to answer them, but also you may find that others can answer too. That is what the group is all about. Sharing our ideas and quandries.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/113172222365276/

I must say at this point that I “do understand how hard it is to forgive” I have been there and there is still stuff coming up every day for me to forgive, both from the past and the present.

For the purpose of today’s topic then some of the practices that I have come accross are as follows;

Meditation. Spend some time simply dwelling on the person and episode in question. Think again about the smells, environment, who was present and the outcome. Home in on what there was about the episode that was hurtful. Then think about the outcome for you. Meditate on this and decide out of the whole thing what you would find easiest to forgive.

For example; If you are still upset and hurt over your divorce or your partner leaving you, you will be thinking in general about the “whole” episode. If you can break this episode down into smaller parts, such as a certain thing they said or did, then you can practice forgiveness for that one thing, rather than trying to forgive the whole episode.

If you have been abused or cheated on, break it down into small incidents and work on one at a time. Trying to tackle the whole thing at once, without proper “training” is like trying to climb a mountain without the proper equipment and knowledge.

A little like learning to drive, you learn one action at a time, then you build it up into being a competent driver.

Here is the link to what Wayne Dyer has to say about forgiveness.

How To Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You: In 15 Steps

He talks about moving on, understanding yourself, being like water and in the flow, (it stagnates when it is not in the flow), reconnecting with spirit and being kind rather than being right.

Also understand that you have a vital part in forgiving others.

By not forgiving, you are perpetuating an energy of resentment and bitterness towards yourself and everyone else around you.

I am sure that there are many other ways to practice the art of forgiveness and it would be good to discuss them in the group.

A favourite way for me is something called Ho’oponopono.

A simple technique, using four sentences.

I’m sorry
Please forgive me (as I forgive you)
Thank you
I love you

You can say it in any order.

What? I hear you say, why am I having to say sorry?

Remember what I said about you perpetuating unforgiveness by not forgiving.

I’m sorry, means that you are sorry that you are perpetuating unforgiveness, resentment and bitterness by not forgiving.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SAY THIS OUT LOUD

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SAY IT TO THE PERSON.

All you have to do is to say it quietly with a picture in your mind of the thing or person that you are forgiving.

An important thing to remember with unforgiveness is that often the person concerned has moved on with their life and could be unaware, or has forgotten or frankly could not care less. You are the one who is stuck! This is another reason why forgiving the person will free YOU up. It will be your liberty.

Please read more about ho’oponopono on this link.

http://www.lucid-mind-center.com/hooponopono-method.html

In the next blog I will be looking at how to forgive yourself.

Meanwhile, don’t forget to come along and join the group.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/113172222365276/

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15 August 2015

Ageing with Forgiveness

Unforgiveness is one of the biggest blocks to freedom. Particularly as we age. To become a wise and joyful Elder, we need to come to grips with this important aspect of our lives.

Right from when we are born, we experience hurt and damage to our body, spirit and mind, mostly from the circumstances and other people in our lives.This may be bullying, misconceived parenting, religion, cultural ideas, peers, siblings, friends and even from those who love us.

No one cannot go through life without damaging experiences, and many of us carry these experiences throughout life. Even bad experiences later in life, can do untold damage.

For many years the Fruedian idea of how damage being done to us, is the cause of who we become, and that there is no turning back. This has been the basis of Therapy, the cause of illness, and spending immeasurable amounts of time and money on our “Inner child”. Particularly the “hurt inner child”.

Whilst this can happen, there never seems to be an answer to the question of “How can I change it!” Cognitive behaviour therapy, (CBT) has been successful in some cases, and is the most popular way of getting over hurts and behaviour, but this is only touching the surface, or the “outer” person.

To really get over things and make changes, there needs to be more work done by the individual themselves and this is why life coaching is becoming a powerful tool. Life coaching is the tool used by people when they want to move on, once they get over a major life change, such as losing a job, bereavement, divorce, retirement, and often when people just feel “stuck” and don’t know where to go next.

In most cases the reason why people cannot move on is that they are not taught how to forgive or what it really means, and that forgiveness can be the first step to moving on with their lives. In the case of ageing, it certainly needs to be dealt with if we are not going to carry bitterness and resentment into our vulnerable older years.

Have you ever thought that you need to forgive yourself?

You could be surprised at how much resentment you are carrying around towards yourself. At the bottom of this anger and resentment you could be carrying unforgiveness around just for being human!

Everyone makes errors or judgment, being unkind, saying hurtful things, playing jokes on others at school, telling lies and so on. These human errors are almost impossible to keep a record of.

It may be something that you did that was quite a major incident in your life and had disastrous, life changing effects on yourself or others.

You could be carrying this around and it is affecting everything you do in the present time.

It is just the same as resentment and unforgiveness to others.

When you did your Life Review from my post “Expectations and Consciousness in Ageing”, you may have uncovered stuff about hurts and pain. You may also have something that happened in the past that you talk a lot about, or that you think a lot about. That one will be obvious.

In any case, sit quietly or go for a walk on your own and think about what you would like to be “rid of” with memories and overuling resentments. Would you really like to be free of these?

Let’s look at what forgiveness really is!

Forgiveness is misconstrued in our society and beliefs. It certainly was for me, until I learnt one important componant that made it easier for me.

The following quotes are extracts from “The Art and Science of Forgiveness” by Frederick Luskin, PhD and featured in a book called Consciousness and Healing.

“Forgiveness in no way means you have to reconcile with someone who treated you badly. I see this confusion over and over in the work that I do. For example, if you were the recipient of childhood abuse, or are in a harsh relationship, you can forgive the offender and, as part of that choice, make the decision to end or limit contact. Forgiveness is primarily for creating your peace of mind. It is to create healing in your life and return you to a state in which you can live and be capable again of trust and love.”

He goes on to say;

” Another misconception is that it depends on whether or not the abuser or lying person apologizes, wants you back, or changes his or her ways. If another person’s poor behaviour was the primary determinent for your healing, then the unkind and selfish people in your life would retain power over you indefinitely. In another vein, you can forgive your ex-spouse for his or her insulting speech and even abandoning you or your children, but forgiveness in no way means you do not take your ex to court to make sure your children get the support payments to which you are entitled. Forgiveness and justice are not the same! You can seek justice with an open heart as well as a bitter one.”

In other words you can forgive without condoning the behaviour that hurt you.

” Lastly, forgiveness does not mean that we forget what happened to us in our urge to move forward and get on with our lives. It is ludicrous to expect anyone who has been badly hurt not to remember the wound.”

Luskin does not suggest that you dwell on your greivances. Jesus said that we need to forgive not just 7 times, but 70 times 70.

This simply means that everytime you remember the hurt, just say to yourself that you have forgiven.

I found this information a liberating and life changing experience. Like other people I have had some major hurts in my life and spent many years believing that I could not forgive the people who hurt me, because that would mean that I had to forget and reconcile, and write to the person to tell them that I had forgiven.

But then I realised that it was inner work that I needed to do and as long as I held unforgiveness, I was also holding onto the hurt. I learnt that letting go of the hurt did not mean I needed to put it in the past and forget about it.

Now I simpy do as Luskin and many others suggest, I simply forgive the person over again.

In the next blog we will look at HOW TO FORGIVE. This is something that is not talked a lot about. It can also be a stumbling block, so make sure that you “tune in” again to the next one on Forgiveness and Ageing.

http://www.patriciacherrylifecoach.com

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13 August 2015

Ageing and Healing the Past.

For many people writing a life review can be challenging and may have prove to be a painful experience. Looking at the past can bring up emotions that you may have been carrying for most of your life and been unaware of.

On the other hand, many people also live their present day life believing that their past experiences are what made them the person that they are today. This is true of course, but if you don’t heal a painful past, you can let it rule your future.

You can still be the abused child, or the bullied teenager, or even the unhappy partner in a soured relationship. Without healing you can carry the past into the future and stay stuck there for the rest of your life.

This can be a very powerful and controlling factor to carry with you, often without realising that you are doing it.

The new relationship can be soured because maybe a disagreement brings up old stuff about the old relationship.

A new career may be threatened by something that happens or is said that reminds you of the old boss or something that you perceived as failure on your part.

The bullied tenager may still be with you many years later when you want to join a football team, but you can’t pluck up the courage to do it.

Many people who were bankrupt in the past, carry a sense of failure around with them for the rest of their lives where money is concerned.

I have witnessed many very old people who carry their past around with them, and become bitter and twisted and alienate everyone around them, including their carers.

Working with them as a carer taught me the importance of healing the past.

What I also witnessed was that the kindest and happiest people in those environments were the ones that attracted people to them.

You need to do this while you can, and the sooner you start the better. If you wait until you are older, you may become too incapacitated to do anything about it.

Do it now and your older years can be a time of great peace and joy. Make them your golden years. Dried leaves in the autumn have a beauty of their own.

If you are reading this then you are well on your way to doing it. Or you may be reading it because you are concerned about someone elses peace of mind in their older years, and don’t quite know how to help them. A word of caution here though, remember that you cannot do it for them.

The process of healing the past cannot happen overnight. But it can happen!

It will be a bit like peeling an onion. You will deal with one thing and then something else that has been hidden underneath may come up. But don’t let that put you off.

It will be such a wonderful tranformative experience, that your new sense of freedom and joy will be almost addictive.

For today, look again at the experiences that brought up the painful stuff that you wrote down from the previous blog, and see which one you feel is the easiest one to deal with.

An essential part of healing the past is forgiveness. Look at the people who were concerned in this relatively easy one, and ask yourself if you can or have forgiven them. Including yourself.

The next blog will be looking at forgiveness. What seems an impossible task, can be done with some work on your part, but it is not such hard work as you may believe.

It will certainly help towards your journey of Healing the Past and Ageing with Vitality, health and peace of mind. Which in turn will bring you joy, peace and love not only to you, but to others around you.

http://www.patriciacherrylifecoach.com

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