More about The Truth Has Set Me Free.

 

 

In the next few weeks, my book “The Truth Has Set Me Free” will be published.

Although I recently posted a synopsis about it, I thought that perhaps I could add a few more thoughts.  So here goes.

Many of you have seen that synopsis that I sent out on the week beginning 15th October 2018, and there has been a great response to it, with many pre-orders coming in.  For which I thank you.

Firstly a little more about what the book is about and not.  I have had one response from a person who said that they would not want to read the book if it is a rant about the Pentecostal church. It is not. What it is, however, is the story of how the teachings of Christian fundamentalism, including other denominations, damaged my judgements and my self-image, right up until the age of forty. And how these poor judgements had dire consequences. Resulting in Divorce, bankruptcy and succumbing to two con men.

I take sole responsibility for those bad decisions and do not in any way blame the church. The story is all about forgiveness and love, both for myself and for those people in my life, who may have hurt me.

Just like anyone else in this human experience, I had choices. There are many people who are happy with the teachings of those churches, and I will not say who is right and who is wrong. Just like me, they have a choice.

Secondly, it is a picture of my childhood in the forties and fifties. I grew up in Cornwall and Devon in the UK.  At this time, the UK, as well as other countries, were still recovering from the second-world-war, and there was a tremendous sense of lack. But we had freedom and the countryside was not so far away as it is these days with towns and cities expansion.

I describe the games we played and the many hours of enjoyment exploring the woods and fields, And I also describe the mischief I got up to which got me into a lot of trouble.

Jumping ahead to my teens, that freedom was curtailed. Thanks to misunderstandings and my Mothers and the church I belonged to at the time, intransigence and being influenced by what I see as narcissistic teachings, which the family adhered to in every way.

Then I became a very young bride, and at the age of nineteen moved away from home to a new city. Because I had been taught that the world was a nasty, frightening place and I should keep away from it, I was very naïve. And unprepared for real life. I became homesick, depressed and began bingeing on food for comfort.

These feelings were to stay with me until the age of forty or so. Then at a very difficult time in my life, someone said to me “You need to ask yourself, who is Trish and where is she going?”  At the age of seventy plus now, I am still evolving, but can see more clearly that I am good enough and that is one reason why I wrote: “The Truth Has Set Me Free.”

Since becoming a Life coach and studying what makes people tick, I have seen what had been amiss in my life. But life had changed for the better after a divorce, loss of all my worldly possessions and a new marriage, to a well-read man.

The point of the book is that I want people to understand that they can change. And with that change comes new perception.

It is now twelve months since my Mother died, and I finished the book a few months later, having had new insights into why my Mother had been so myself unhappy in life.

Since then I have not only done more reading and learning, I have applied the truth to my life and freed myself up from the bounds of depression, bingeing on food and the feeling of abandonment and not being good enough.

At the time of writing, I am taking care of my husband as he ages and succumbs to vagaries of illness and ageing. And I can do it with joy and compassion, thanks to the grace and love that I know flows through me. And knowing that the past is in the past, and I am truly living in the present, in the “Now”.

I would like you to read this book with an open mind, remembering what I said here about love and forgiveness. I do not have any bitterness or issues with anyone who chooses whatever beliefs or teachings they want to, except in the case where they impose those beliefs onto others.

The Dalai Lamma once said that doing that is a form of abuse.

If you want to read the book, and own a signed copy, please would you support me by making a Pre-order. This means that I will send you one the moment I receive them from the publisher. You can do this by bank transfer, Pay Pal or cheque.  The amount is £10 Please email me or contact me on Private Messaging on Facebook. trishcherry734@gmail.com

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Birthday Blog. Wizzdom. The Truth Has Set Me Free

On my birthday this year, I can truly say that “The Truth Has Set Me Free.”

Life in my older years is proving to be the very best ones of my time on Planet Earth. I am healthy; I am living in Abundance, I am loved, and I am full of the joy and peace that passes all understanding.

Like everyone else, I do have adversity and challenges along the way, and at times I doubt and fear. But I know for certain that everything is here to help me. And underneath it all, I know that the Universe has my back.

I have my new book coming out very soon now. Publishing a book is a long drawn out process, but I promise that it will be here in the next couple of months.

“The Truth Has Set Me Free” (the illustration above has one word change, because its a draft copy of the cover) is a story of how I was brought up in a Christian Fundamentalist faith. It describes my upbringing in the fifties, my engagement and first marriage at the tender age of sixteen and nineteen respectively.

There was fun as a child, and that fun is described in the book, including the games we played and the physical freedom of children in the nineteen fifties.

But as I got into my early teens, life became lonely and experienced an isolation which lasted for many years.

I describe how the fundamental upbringing had affected two previous generations. Which resulted in heartache, narcissism and for myself late adolescence at the age of forty, having not had one as a teenager.

The truth for me has come about since I saw the light at the age of forty, which like many other women, was followed by Divorce. But I was also conned out of thousands of pounds because of my naivety, became bankrupt and lost everything I had ever accumulated, including a large business, houses, my dogs and furniture.

But the fact that everything is sent to help us is so true. I met a wonderful man, who became my second husband, and he set me on the road to learning. In the last twenty-six years since I met him, I have developed a thirst for knowledge. Part of my upbringing was that knowledge was not important. The main aim in life was to be saved and get to Heaven which carried on into my first marriage and becoming totally immersed in those beliefs. That meant that many books that threatened to reveal anything other than the teaching in those churches were banned.

Then in 2011 at the age of 67, I studied at University to become a Life coach.  The learning there opened up a whole new way of seeing life.

All along, the Truth was setting me free from the bondage of the past, and the chains that had bound me to the belief that I was not good enough.

Now, I have reached a point in my life that is another transition. From the rush and pressure of being the best, and having to work at it, I can now trust wholly in the Divine.

Just before I left any established church, I had what I realise now was a light bulb moment, when I told other Christians, that the teachings of the church limited God. I realised that God was the Universe and everything around us. But fundamentalist belief attempted to trap God into a set of beliefs, a building, a set of people who thought they knew better than anyone else. Most of all that only Christians and “Saved” ones at that; could inherit the Kingdom. They taught and still do, that there is an Apocalypse coming and only Christians would be saved from that because they would be taken up into the air to meet the Saviour. Known as the Second Coming.

If you don’t know what I am talking about, I should give it a miss!

What I know to be the Truth, is what I had said then, without all the knowledge that I have accumulated since then. There has had to be a lot of forgiveness on my part, both for others, and myself.

The book has taken me over two years to write, and in the last year, the end of the book took on a life of its own, describing my Mothers death and how my brother and myself at long last understood why she had such an unhappy life.

Simply because she had never allowed herself to be loved, both by God and her beloved husband, my Dad. And in turn us and anyone else who wanted to show any compassion for her in her last days. She never understood that; We are all one; we are all part of God; we are all equal; we can all become conscious of those facts, and we are all loved. That love is a vital force; stronger than faith or hope.

We are all created to be the person we are, without having to be saved again by the same being who created us.

God is bigger than having to send someone to die, to correct the mistake he made when he created humans.

I have not accumulated a fortune; I do not live in a mansion, I don’t even own a car. But I feel as if I have riches beyond measure.

I feel quite amused now when I hear people who already have more than enough money say; When I win the lottery I will ………………………………….

I feel as if I have won more than the lottery. Because I know the Truth and it has set me free.

By the way, you may be wondering why the new word “Wizzdom” is included in the title of this blog. It is my new brand name, to cover all the hats I wear in supporting people. My specialities are; Weight and Food Management, Ageing with Vitality, Facilitating end of life planning and I am a Funeral Celebrant. I think that word “Wizzdom”, suggested by a friend, just about covers the wisdom I have gained over a lifetime of experiences and adventures in living.

 

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Ageing is not just about “ME”

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In my previous blog, we discussed Ageing with Intention.

http://www.patriciacherrylifecoach.com/blog/

It has occurred to me that we could misunderstand the true purpose of ageing with intention, ageing with consciousness or ageing with vitality.

The world is becoming a very challenging place in which to live. It has always been challenging of course, but life was much simpler and up until as recently as 100 years ago, life for most of us was within the boundaries of our physical locality.

Certainly, I can remember as a child just sixty years ago, thinking of the world outside as a dangerous and threatening place. I had not even visited London, which was just 250 miles away, until the age of 14.

Our biggest challenge in those days was to leave school and get a decent job. Our social life was the Saturday night out, usually at the local dance hall. These were the days of rock and roll, coffee bars and the cinema.

These days, we travel worldwide. On returning from holiday only last week, I remember remarking to my friend, “I’m worn out, and I have only travelled from Germany!”  Only travelled from Germany? In one day, coach, plane and train!  Even as I said it, I thought how ridiculous that remark was in the light of the progress humans have made in the last 72 years since I came to this planet.

During the days of the Baby Boomers, life has changed out of all recognition. Those of you reading this as Baby Boomers will know what I mean.

Ageing too has changed for the better.

We have cosmetic surgery, enlightened ways of eating, makeup, groups on Facebook about anti-ageing. Creams, supposedly to help avoid wrinkles, and so on.

But these things are only tackling ageing on the outside.

What about our inner beings? What about the spirit and soul?

There is a shift going on. It is difficult to pinpoint when this shift started. But people began to be disillusioned by the teachings and practice of the church.

They began to see that consumerism is not working. Things were not giving the satisfaction that they imagined it would.

During the 1960’s the notion of the power of love began to take hold. At the time it was seen by our parents as “way out”, or of the devil, it would never last. Drugs were involved, and so the love movement took on something that was evil, way out and needed to be nipped in the bud.

The consequence of this was that drugs took on a powerful means of money making, smuggling, murder and other dire consequences. Young people now live in a world where drugs are sold behind counters in pubs and clubs, as a means of having a good time. Drugs then lead to more crime, misery and death to ordinary people. Life took on a much bigger challenge for these young people.

But, there was another, a better consequence of the love movement.

Love is energy.

Young people began to go to places like India seeking out spiritual masters who taught about the meaning of love. John Lennon was famous for many songs, but the songs “Give Peace a Chance” and “Imagine” came from somewhere deep inside of him. He had been to India too and sat at the feet of a spiritual master.

Skip forward to the present day, and there are many teachers coming forward with inspirational teachings.

So, what has all this got to do with the fact that ageing with vitality is not all about “me”?

In my previous articles, I spoke about ageing with intention and being a wise elder.

When we make a mission out of ageing, with purpose, intention and in a conscious manner, we are doing our bit in our little corner of the world to make life more peaceful and joyous for those coming behind.

By example we can show them that although we have been through tough times, may even be ill, may be physically challenged, they can still expect to learn from us, that there is no room for bitterness and unforgiveness.

In my work with Elderly people, in homes and their own homes, I have seen the effect that people have on the carers and their families and themselves.

One old lady had lost one leg, her breasts and was blind. Yet we loved looking after her because she used to cheer us up. She used to joke that they would save money on her funeral because they would only be burying half of her.

On the other hand, one old chap used to swear and curse us, and we dreaded taking care of him. We learnt afterwards that he had been a man who had abused his family. The point is that it was he who needed to look within. Even though he was living in misery, we still gave him the care that he needed. We did not punish him; he was punishing himself.

Giving and receiving are the same energy.

So to sum up, the point of getting ourselves sorted out while we are still able to, is not just for ourselves, but for the sake of the world at large. We are part of the Universe. The Universe is one big, vast cosmos, everything in it is energy, and you too are made up of that same energy.

Every individual is essential to the growth and survival of it.ConsciousAgingLogo

So can you see that ageing with intention or vitality in a conscious way, is our part of the whole plan?

It is not just about me.

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The Ageing Adventure.

happycherry_coverI thought today that I would give you some idea of where I have been and where I am going, and why I believe that I can support people in their own ageing adventure.

I started working with older people forty years ago as a care assistant in residential homes, having realised that I had a vocation for that.

Through that, I learnt what makes people in general tick and observed the different ways that people age. Some strong and cheerful even through great adversity, and others bitter and twisted and very difficult to care for.

This implanted in me a desire to make sure that I would not go into my own ageing with unforgiveness and lack of a loving attitude towards my fellow humans.

I opened my own care home after a lot of hard work, passing social services inspections, having converted and painted and decorated, and furnishing a house from scratch, while still working on a night shift. Getting about four hours of sleep a day, over many weeks.

I left the caring profession after a very difficult personal experience with divorce and loss and then meeting and marrying my second husband. But still found myself caring and supporting Elderly neighbours

I also gained experience of the middle age population and enjoyed observing them, by becoming involved with the WI as president of my local meeting, and also did two years on the Cornwall Executive commitee.

At the age of 67, I was introduced to Life Coaching, which in turn led me to realise how much I loved learning. I had not had much oppurtunity at school and left at the age of 15, then married at 19, and went on to having three children and was “just a Naval Housewife”.

I had been led into Life coaching by a friend who was impressed with how healthy I was, and had kept my weight under control. She was convinced that weight management would be a good way for me to go, under the auspice of Life coaching. So I went to University, part time, at the age of 67. 

Because of my backgroud of bingeing and dieting for over forty years, I felt right about this. I then went onto writing books about the subject and designing a website.

Ageing With Vitality

Then someone spotted that I was a good ambassador for ageing well. At the age of 70 I joined Damsels in Success, which is a personal development group for business women.

So I turned my interest to Ageing with Vitality.  

And here I am. Long story-short.

So what now then?

I have recognised that people who are ageing are often operating from a place of fear. Fear of ageing and fear of dying.

So the next few blogs will be about these subjects and to explain my next steps in the adventure of supporting people in these areas.

Watch this space.

Namaste

life journal

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Ageing with Love.

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No matter what our spiritual backgrounds, cultures, race, creed, age, religion or what we consider to be our inner source and strength is, the most important empowerment in our connection to one another is love.

If we all remembered the true meaning of love, this world would be a peaceful and joyful place to be. There would be no inequality, war or starvation. Crime, greed or cruelty would be a thing of the past.

Love is not a soppy sentiment, saved for emotional times in our lives, but is an active energy that is just there.

But we tend to think that if we are going to give it, it needs to be to a deserving person, or animal.

Listening to Wayne Dyer this morning I was reminded of how powerful it can be to turn the other cheek. When someone annoys us, or we feel angry with them, why don’t we do just that, turn the other cheek. We do not have to be a doormat to be walked all over, but just to pause and respond in a loving way, without anger or retaliation. Not easy, but it is possible.

No matter what your spiritual beliefs, Christian, Bhuddist, Hindu, Muslim, humanist or anything else, this quote from Corinthians 13 in the bible, is true for all of us.

Namaste.

1 Corinthians 13New International Version (NIV)

13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecyand can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror;then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

http://www.patriciacherrylifecoach.com

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Food; Friend, Fun or Foe?

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For over forty years, I considered myself a victim. To;

  • My Self Image
  • My ugly body
  • The fat on my body
  • Foods that just triggered me off
  • A compulsion to just carry on eating, even when fullSodDieting
  • Dieting to get rid of the fat and feelings of loathing
  • Calorie counting
  • Fat units
  • Food intolerance
  • Addiction
  • My fat belly

It took me nearly a life time to discover the root of why I have always had this battle. One of them being that as a child I was always being told to tuck my tummy in, and as a 14 year old I was issued with a corset to keep it in.

This message was not only coming to me from my Mother, but from my gran and also a teacher at school who was the ring leader in calling me GubGub after the pig in Dr Dolittles adventures.

I don’t blame any of them now, but I did for a long time, even of I was unaware of it.

Many new regimes of eating in our modern days, look at the physical side of control. But there is another deeper side to it all. Much like trying to run a car that keeps breaking down. Just filling it with more fuel, or a different type of fuel, will not fix the problem if it is the battery that is flat. So it is with humans. If we keep just thrusting down feelings, memories and resentment, we will never get to the root of the problem. Our batteries will always be flat.

Getting into the right place is not necessarily just about looking great. When we have an “inner” glow, we can look fantastic.

Part of my inner work that freed me up was forgiveness for all those people who gave me a false message, which I lived by.

I have had quite a journey over the years, some of it exciting, some not, but always challenging.

It is a wonderful thing to be free of the tyranny of forever worrying about my shape and my looks.

How do you go about finding that inner glow, which gives you confidence in yourself, and frees you up from the necessity of the “Forever Diet?”

I would love to hear your comments.

Either here, or perhaps on my Facebook page.

https://www.facebook.com/PatriciaCherryWriterandLifeCoach

SodDieting

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Forgiving Yourself as you Age with Vitality.

 

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ConsciousAgingLogoWe have looked at how forgiving others can be liberating for you and your wellbeing and vitality.

Have you considered that you also need to forgive yourself?

Many of us have made errors of judgement, mistakes, been unkind or even brought about our own and others downfall with something that we may have done. Also in these days of societal judgment, such as illness, obesity, lack, and keeping up with the Joneses, we can easily find fault with ourselves, and wonder what we must have done wrong.

Often we can be the victim to our own misplaced guilt. For example, many working women feel guilty about leaving their kids, or the stay at home Mums feel guilty for not making a contribution to the household costs.

Another example is when you lose a loved one, part of the grieving process is to blame yourself for something that you may have done to hurt them or not done enough.

This is where it pays to take a good look at yourself, using your chosen method of meditation, and make sure that there is a real need to forgive yourself when you have not done anything wrong.

However, you may know for sure that you definitely did something that hurt or caused someones downfall. Only you will know the answer to this one.

Don’t forget to bear in mind what I suggest about doing a little at a time. Often this can be the easiest ones first.

In that case the procedure for forgiving yourself is much the same as forgiving others, which I covered briefly in the previous blog.

We are made up of mind, body and spirit. Unforgiveness can manifest itself in all three. Our mind can be fixated on the thing that needs to be forgiven, whether this is for yourself or someone else, which in turn can affect our physical and mental health. This in turn can break our spirit.

A simple exercise would be to visualise each component, speaking to the other. A sort of you talking to you.

Another way of doing it would be to seperate yourself into parent, child and adult. This is called Transactional Analysis. Write as if you are each of those Untitled-1characters in turn. Then speak to them. Parent to child, child to parent, and then think of how the adult would deal with, treat and talk to other two.

In our everyday lives, we usually react as if we are either one of those three. The parent could be bossy and expect you to behave in a certain way that keeps them happy. (Use what ever your perception of a parent or guardian was when you were a child.)

The child would be the one in need of some love and understanding.

The adult, would be the person reading this and understanding where each of the other two are coming from.

Then go through the forgiveness exercises and much in the same way as the mind, body, spirit assigment above, get each character to talk to the other.

It will definitely help to be using your journal and writing it down. Perhaps write a little script as if you are writing a play.

I hope that this will help. Don’t forget that you can join us in the group on Facebook, and ask or discuss anything that has come up for you here.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/113172222365276/

 

 

 

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How to Forgive & Ageing with Vitality.

 

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After looking at how important forgiveness can be to our wellbeing (in the previous blog,)it would help of course if someone could tell us “how”.

We are told so much about the need for forgiveness, but knowing how to do it is half the battle.

There is a lot more to this discussion than be can be put into a blog, so I have now started an Ageing With Vitality group on Facebook, in which you can ask questions. I would love to see you there, and will endeavour to answer them, but also you may find that others can answer too. That is what the group is all about. Sharing our ideas and quandries.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/113172222365276/

I must say at this point that I “do understand how hard it is to forgive” I have been there and there is still stuff coming up every day for me to forgive, both from the past and the present.

For the purpose of today’s topic then some of the practices that I have come accross are as follows;

Meditation. Spend some time simply dwelling on the person and episode in question. Think again about the smells, environment, who was present and the outcome. Home in on what there was about the episode that was hurtful. Then think about the outcome for you. Meditate on this and decide out of the whole thing what you would find easiest to forgive.

For example; If you are still upset and hurt over your divorce or your partner leaving you, you will be thinking in general about the “whole” episode. If you can break this episode down into smaller parts, such as a certain thing they said or did, then you can practice forgiveness for that one thing, rather than trying to forgive the whole episode.

If you have been abused or cheated on, break it down into small incidents and work on one at a time. Trying to tackle the whole thing at once, without proper “training” is like trying to climb a mountain without the proper equipment and knowledge.

A little like learning to drive, you learn one action at a time, then you build it up into being a competent driver.

Here is the link to what Wayne Dyer has to say about forgiveness.

How To Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You: In 15 Steps

He talks about moving on, understanding yourself, being like water and in the flow, (it stagnates when it is not in the flow), reconnecting with spirit and being kind rather than being right.

Also understand that you have a vital part in forgiving others.

By not forgiving, you are perpetuating an energy of resentment and bitterness towards yourself and everyone else around you.

I am sure that there are many other ways to practice the art of forgiveness and it would be good to discuss them in the group.

A favourite way for me is something called Ho’oponopono.

A simple technique, using four sentences.

  • I’m sorry
  • Please forgive me (as I forgive you)
  • Thank you
  • I love you

You can say it in any order.

What? I hear you say, why am I having to say sorry?

Remember what I said about you perpetuating unforgiveness by not forgiving.

I’m sorry, means that you are sorry that you are perpetuating unforgiveness, resentment and bitterness by not forgiving.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SAY THIS OUT LOUD

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SAY IT TO THE PERSON.

All you have to do is to say it quietly with a picture in your mind of the thing or person that you are forgiving.

My design Keep your eye.An important thing to remember with unforgiveness is that often the person concerned has moved on with their life and could be unaware, or has forgotten or frankly could not care less. You are the one who is stuck! This is another reason why forgiving the person will free YOU up. It will be your liberty.

Please read more about ho’oponopono on this link.

http://www.lucid-mind-center.com/hooponopono-method.html

In the next blog I will be looking at how to forgive yourself.

Meanwhile, don’t forget to come along and join the group.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/113172222365276/

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Ageing with Forgiveness

 

 

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Unforgiveness is one of the biggest blocks to freedom. Particularly as we age. To become a wise and joyful Elder, we need to come to grips with this important aspect of our lives.

Right from when we are born, we experience hurt and damage to our body, spirit and mind, mostly from the circumstances and other people in our lives.This may be bullying, misconceived parenting, religion, cultural ideas, peers, siblings, friends and even from those who love us.

No one cannot go through life without damaging experiences, and many of us carry these experiences throughout life. Even bad experiences later in life, can do untold damage.

For many years the Fruedian idea of how damage being done to us, is the cause of who we become, and that there is no turning back. This has been the basis of Therapy, the cause of illness, and spending immeasurable amounts of time and money on our “Inner child”. Particularly the “hurt inner child”.

Untitled-1Whilst this can happen, there never seems to be an answer to the question of “How can I change it!” Cognitive behaviour therapy, (CBT) has been successful in some cases, and is the most popular way of getting over hurts and behaviour, but this is only touching the surface, or the “outer” person.

To really get over things and make changes, there needs to be more work done by the individual themselves and this is why life coaching is becoming a powerful tool. Life coaching is the tool used by people when they want to move on, once they get over a major life change, such as losing a job, bereavement, divorce, retirement, and often when people just feel “stuck” and don’t know where to go next.

In most cases the reason why people cannot move on is that they are not taught how to forgive or what it really means, and that forgiveness can be the first step to moving on with their lives. In the case of ageing, it certainly needs to be dealt with if we are not going to carry bitterness and resentment into our vulnerable older years.

Have you ever thought that you need to forgive yourself?

You could be surprised at how much resentment you are carrying around towards yourself. At the bottom of this anger and resentment you could be carrying unforgiveness around just for being human!

Everyone makes errors or judgment, being unkind, saying hurtful things, playing jokes on others at school, telling lies and so on. These human errors are almost impossible to keep a record of.

It may be something that you did that was quite a major incident in your life and had disastrous, life changing effects on yourself or others.

You could be carrying this around and it is affecting everything you do in the present time.

It is just the same as resentment and unforgiveness to others.

When you did your Life Review from my post “Expectations and Consciousness in Ageing”, you may have uncovered stuff about hurts and pain. You may also have something that happened in the past that you talk a lot about, or that you think a lot about. That one will be obvious.

SDC13676In any case, sit quietly or go for a walk on your own and think about what you would like to be “rid of” with memories and overuling resentments. Would you really like to be free of these?

Let’s look at what forgiveness really is!

Forgiveness is misconstrued in our society and beliefs. It certainly was for me, until I learnt one important componant that made it easier for me.

The following quotes are extracts from “The Art and Science of Forgiveness” by Frederick Luskin, PhD and featured in a book called Consciousness and Healing.

“Forgiveness in no way means you have to reconcile with someone who treated you badly. I see this confusion over and over in the work that I do. For example, if you were the recipient of childhood abuse, or are in a harsh relationship, you can forgive the offender and, as part of that choice, make the decision to end or limit contact. Forgiveness is primarily for creating your peace of mind. It is to create healing in your life and return you to a state in which you can live and be capable again of trust and love.”

He goes on to say;

” Another misconception is that it depends on whether or not the abuser or lying person apologizes, wants you back, or changes his or her ways. If another person’s poor behaviour was the primary determinent for your healing, then the unkind and selfish people in your life would retain power over you indefinitely.  In another vein, you can forgive your ex-spouse for his or her insulting speech and even abandoning you or your children, but forgiveness in no way means you do not take your ex to court to make sure your children get the support payments to which you are entitled. Forgiveness and justice are not the same! You can seek justice with an open heart as well as a bitter one.”

In other words you can forgive without condoning the behaviour that hurt you.

” Lastly, forgiveness does not mean that we forget what happened to us in our urge to move forward and get on with our lives. It is ludicrous to expect anyone who has been badly hurt not to remember the wound.”

Luskin does not suggest that you dwell on your greivances. Jesus said that we need to forgive not just 7 times, but 70 times 70.

This simply means that everytime you remember the hurt, just say to yourself that you have forgiven.

I found this information a liberating and life changing experience. Like other people I have had some major hurts in my life and spent many years believing that I could not forgive the people who hurt me, because that would mean that I had to forget and reconcile, and write to the person to tell them that I had forgiven.

But then I realised that it was inner work that I needed to do and as long as I held unforgiveness, I was also holding onto the hurt. I learnt that letting go of the hurt did not mean I needed to put it in the past and forget about it.

Now I simpy do as Luskin and many others suggest, I simply forgive the person over again.

In the next blog we will look at HOW TO FORGIVE. This is something that is not talked a lot about. It can also be a stumbling block, so make sure that you “tune in” again to the next one on Forgiveness and Ageing.

 

 

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Ageing and Healing the Past.

 

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For many people writing a life review can be challenging and may have prove to be a painful experience. Looking at the past can bring up emotions that you may have been carrying for most of your life and been unaware of.

On the other hand, many people also live their present day life believing that their past experiences are what made them the person that they are today. This is true of course, but if you don’t heal a painful past, you can let it rule your future.

You can still be the abused child, or the bullied teenager, or even the unhappy partner in a soured relationship. Without healing you can carry the past into the future and stay stuck there for the rest of your life.

This can be a very powerful and controlling factor to carry with you, often without realising that you are doing it.

The new relationship can be soured because maybe a disagreement brings up old stuff about the old relationship.

A new career may be threatened by something that happens or is said that reminds you of the old boss or something that you perceived as failure on your part.

The bullied tenager may still be with you many years later when you want to join a football team, but you can’t pluck up the courage to do it.

Many people who were bankrupt in the past, carry a sense of failure around with them for the rest of their lives where money is concerned.

I have witnessed many very old people who carry their past around with them, and become bitter and twisted and alienate everyone around them, including their carers.

Working with them as a carer taught me the importance of healing the past.

What I also witnessed was that the kindest and happiest people in those environments were the ones that attracted people to them.

You need to do this while you can, and the sooner you start the better. If you wait until you are older, you may become too incapacitated to do anything about it.

iStock_000002366515SmallDo it now and your older years can be a time of great peace and joy. Make them your golden years. Dried leaves in the autumn have a beauty of their own. 

If you are reading this then you are well on your way to doing it. Or you may be reading it because you are concerned about someone elses peace of mind in their older years, and don’t quite know how to help them. A word of caution here though, remember that you cannot do it for them.

The process of healing the past cannot happen overnight. But it can happen!

It will be a bit like peeling an onion. You will deal with one thing and then something else that has been hidden underneath may come up. But don’t let that put you off.

It will be such a wonderful tranformative experience, that your new sense of freedom and joy will be almost addictive.

For today, look again at the experiences that brought up the painful stuff that you wrote down from the previous blog, and see which one you feel is the easiest one to deal with.

An essential part of healing the past is forgiveness. Look at the people who were concerned in this relatively easy one, and ask yourself if you can or have forgiven them. Including yourself.

The next blog will be looking at forgiveness. What seems an impossible task, can be done with some work on your part, but it is not such hard work as you may believe.

It will certainly help towards your journey of Healing the Past and Ageing with Vitality, health and peace of mind. Which in turn will bring you joy, peace and love not only to you, but to others around you.

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