AMD. Emotions.


early signs md 2

We all suffer loss at some time in our lives.

The feeling of loss comes from losing something precious.

A loved one, a loved possession or perhaps moving from a beloved place.

It can be a loss of a limb, of our hearing and our independence perhaps.

In the case of Aged-related Macular Degeneration, it is a gradual loss, but there comes the point where you have to accept that it is never going to get better.

(Some people like to claim that it can get better because there are treatments available outside of the NHS in the United Kingdom, but I have looked into that, and it depends on what type of AMD you have.)

I want to share with you my journey with this problem because I can see that there is such a lack of information about what people are actually experience. I did not know about the darkness, distortion, light sensitivity and other problems. I just thought that it was a matter of losing central vision.

Now I want others to know what to expect or what their relatives or friends are experiencing. I do understand that there are no two cases alike. Each person’s  experience will be as different as each of the millions of others who have it.

Yesterday after suffering from dry AMD for two years, and then a further nine months with WET MD, I finally reached the point where I had to face up to the fact that it is never going to be better than it is now.

I am currently waiting for the point where my eyesight has degenerated to the NICE guidelines, so that I can start having injections to slightly improve the sight or at least arrest the deterioration. (Injections cost the NHS £1000 each.)

In the last two weeks, I have been experiencing distortion, and I thought that my eyes had reached the necessary point.  So I was surprised when the consultant said that there was no difference on the scan from four weeks ago.

When I asked why I have the distortion suddenly, he replied that he was surprised that I had not had it before.

He also explained that I only have it in my GOOD EYE!

It is weird how I have struggled seeing out of my bad eye, all of my life, but now the good eye is so bad that the bad one sees clearer!

He also explained that the injections might slightly improve the sight again, and they will most likely maintain the sight that I have. But it is worth repeating that the sight has to get worse before it gets better.

This is where the conundrum comes in. I suddenly realised that the sight I have now would never be any better because they will not give me the jabs until it gets worse. Therefore it is never going to be any better than it is now.

Does that make sense? My emotions went into a dip yesterday when I realised that deep down I was hoping that the injections were going to make things better.

I hope that this blog makes sense to you and you can understand what I am trying to say.

I am firing this off early in the morning before a busy, but enjoyable day out in Falmouth in Cornwall with some friends. I am so grateful for that.

A very kind liaison lady came to see me at the Eye Infirmary yesterday, and she gave me some anti-glare goggles to place over my glasses, for the light sensitivity. She was there for me and listened and reassured me that I would never completely lose my sight unless anything else goes wrong other than the MD.

So I have a lot to be grateful for. But I wanted to share this to my groups on Facebook, and others who may find it when looking up AMD on the internet. Just to help people understand this condition that bit better.

I am also grateful for the lovely people in my local MD group in Plymouth, for their company and understanding. When we eat out once a month, we can sit and laugh and feel somewhat normal, even with the enlarged print menus that the restaurants provide!



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Ageing & The Law of Polarity.

happycherry_coverWhat is the Law of Polarity? 

‘Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.

Alfred Lord Tennyson.


In the absence of that which we are not, that which we are, is not.

Neale Donald Walsh.


I love this law and remember it often in my everyday living.

It reminds me of needing to be grateful. Focusing on what I do have and not on what I don’t have.

There is polarity all around us. Hot and cold, soft and hard, happy and unhappy, love and hate, smooth and rough, big and small and so on.

It is indeed better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

A good example of this is with those of us who have pets. Because they have relatively short lives, we experience their loss over and over again. I would not even attempt to count the number of times that I have heard people say “I’m not going to have any more dogs, I’m never going to go through that again!” Yet in weeks or months and sometimes even days, there is the gorgeous new pup. It is not that we forget the previous pet, because every one of them has given us the experience of love, whether given or received and we know that pets give unconditional love. We love to have them around and we live with Tennyson’s mantra don’t we?

When we are going through tough times, it helps to remember the Law of Polarity, there is never an up without a down. If life was happy all the time, we would not appreciate it. The down times remind us that the up times are worth reaching for.

In the absence of that which we are not, that which we are, is not.

A simpler way of putting this is that when you are experiencing tough times, you can use them to learn about what you are made of.

  • You are worthy.
  • You are awesome.
  • You are worth it.
  • You are loved.
  • You have untapped talents.
  • You have knowledge.

Many people are just settling for what they see as their “lot” in life. They are unaware of their own powers and abilities.

There are a growing number of people who are becoming aware of the fact that they need not settle for what they have. They become aware of the absence of what they are not – but also become aware that they could do better- because of the fact that they have experienced what it was like (the absence) to be not. In other words if you are not aware of your ability to change things, then you may settle for what you are in the present moment. Never knowing about the person you could be.

This is the Law of Polarity working in a different way, because you need to become aware that there is a choice. But it is generally when you are having a tough time that you become aware that there are good times. This makes the good times even better than they were before the tough times!

This is one reason why life coaching and personal development is growing at such a rapid pace worldwide now.

People are realising that they do not have to settle for their “lot” in life. This works on two levels.

  • The practice of Gratitude, which is another way of counting your blessings.
  • The becoming aware of your own value and becoming happier.

This in turn becomes the way that people find their creativity and tap into the resources within them that they were never aware of.

So you see, next time you are having a tough time, take comfort in what you may learn about yourself while having that experience. You will be surprised at how this quickens up your recovery.

This applies to illness, bereavement, depression, losing your job, retirement, ageing, having young difficult children, caring for an ageing parent and so on.

I am talking from a place of experience of course, earlier this year I had a time of depression and burn out. But because I had already been made aware of this law I was able to use the time to listen, learn and relax. SDC13676Long walks in the woods and reflecting and what I was learning from this time, got me back on my feet and I am now “glowing” with vitality and yearning to go, go, go. Bear in mind that I am not exactly a sping chicken!

You too could experience this ageing with vitality.

Remember that this is the Law of Polarity and it is in action whether you believe in it or not.

It is part of the Universal laws which keep the universe in motion.banner-790x90





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